Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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