At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
