I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
