I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So many bounce houses so little time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
