I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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