i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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