the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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