google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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