It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
