I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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