he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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