Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
