if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
