How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
