I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
