Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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