im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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