i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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