Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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