you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
