rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize