Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
