Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
