i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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