Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i have two assholes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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