the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
