Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
