wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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