I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
