I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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