You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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