You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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