dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
