On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
