im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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