remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize