Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
