Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
