I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
two words...techno handjob
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
