Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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