Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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