I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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