I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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