So drunk its hurt
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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