i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your cock deserves a montage
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
