Well douche your snatch and let's go!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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