she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
