Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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