I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize