How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
