If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My vagina just recognized that song.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are we still banned from the library?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
