Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
