I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
