I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize