Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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