Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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