the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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