Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
