I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
