I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
