You're completely useless in the revolution.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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