My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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