Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
