i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
