u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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