Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize