who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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