she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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