we have officially lost it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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