This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
