Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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