We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
