you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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