piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
