he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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