Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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