Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
