im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
