Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
