I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's the barista slut.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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