so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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