nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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