Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
