They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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