At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
